Anger Controls You
by RaphSai03
Summary: Anger, it boils in your veins and it consumes your soul. You watch slowly as you become one with it, lashing out on the ones you love. Your family will fell you for making mistakes. Sometimes, if you're lucky, though, someone will come along and pick you back up, calm your anger. And if they love you enough, they'll give you an escape. I got one, and I took it.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone, thank you for choosing to read my story. This is a remake of one of my stories, and the original will only be up for another 24 hours, so please, if you're going to read that then read it quickly. Anyway, on another note, the first chapter is pretty short, sorry 'bout dat. So, without further delay, I give you, chapter one.**

I slam my bedroom door shut, burning hatred ruling my mind as my fists clench, and my eyes narrow. Anger boils in my veins, heating up my flesh, clouding my vision like fog on spring a night. I feel like a time bomb, just waiting to blow. It was only a matter of minutes before I did, and I knew that I couldn't take the chance of exploding in a heap of hostility and pure rage in front of my brothers. At least not in front Mikey and Donnie, I don't think I'd mind erupting in front of Leonardo, hell, I might've actually enjoyed. Course, I made a run for it, the fear of being punished by Splinta' urgin' my feet to carry me to my bedroom, the only place in this godforsaken home that holds peace and quiet.

I can't even explain what just happened to me, to Leonardo, to my family. I'm unsure of it all. Recalling my memories I see nothing but a blur. Did I screw up, or is it Leonardo who should be feelin' embarrassed for his mild behavior? _Leo.._ A growl rises in my throat at the thought of my big brother, my fearless leader, the boy in blue who doesn't do shit. Well, that's what everyone believes. They think he's a perfect little angel. Little do they all know that the halo balancing in the air above his head is no halo, but instead a weapon he uses to target me, ta get me in trouble for one thing or another. The little bastard has everyone wrapped around his finger, especially Splinta'.

Ah, the damn rat. He claims to be our father, not just or Sensei. He calls us his sons, not just students. My brotha's, they're just too blind, too fucking dumb, to see the truth behind our "Fathers" words. He ain't our Father, just our Master, just our Teacher. Nothin' more, nothin' less. And that fucking pisses me off.

Splinter's always takin' Leo's side, anyone with eyes can see that. The favoritism he shows towards the eldest of us all, it pollutes the air I inhale, filling my lungs with poison until I'm suffocating, watching everyone around me breathe and live as if there's no problems to have to deal with. Hell, are they wrong.

I punch a lamp off of my desk, gritted teeth showing, for my lips are curled as I snarl, my short temper becoming too hard to control.

Ever since I was young I have had an inconceivable amount of anger, jealousy was always getting the best of me, not to mention the fact that I find joy in competition; for me, the thought of a challenge is adrenaline itself. So, it wasn't exactly unexpected when I began to lash out on my brothers.

Back when we were small, my picking on my brothers was mere teasing, taking their toys away from them during play time. Obviously I was punished; time-out, as we called it back then. I didn't really mind it. I was sent to sit in the corner of the main room, with nothing to do but watch my brothers as they played. But like I said, I didn't mind it. It was kinda relaxing, I guess, to be able to just sit there and rest. Trust me though, nothing good ever lasts for me. My dickheaded brothers had to fucking ruin everything for me, pointing and laughing and making fun of me for having to be disciplined. Splinta' didn't mind when they did it to me, but when the tables were turned I was being yelled at. The damn Rat is a fucking hypocrite, him mutating into a Rat was pretty ironic, considering that's what he is at heart.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, thinking back too far. I need to just focus on what's happened within the past hour. What's going on now. What'll happen next.

So what did happen?

Well, Leonardo and I were bickering over which show to watch, he thought that because he spent an extra three hours in the dojo that he can just come into the main room and take over the TV; obviously, I thought otherwise. We started fighting or something. I raised my voice, and my fists decided they wanted in on the action.

As usual, I made the first strike, unable to contain my envy. My fist lunged into the air, meeting Leonardo's jaw with a crack. With his lips bleeding, with his eyes flaring, my brother pounced on me, abandoning his good-boy act. Pinning me to the ground by my wrists, he kept his bent knees at my sides, my legs becoming my only free limbs. Above me, Leonardo seemed to be yelling, his lips moving up and down, spitting on me as he spoke words I could not hear. Instead, I could only hear static, as if everything going on around me was being blocked out. Not wanting to be seen as the victim any longer, I brought my knees up and they slammed against. My move quickly made me dominant, somersaulting me and Leonardo over.

Places switched, glory began to seep into my eyes, I could feel it. Taunting my leader, I talked in a menacing way, my words slipping into Leonardo ears as he struggled underneath me. "Watcha' gonna do now, Fearless? Now that I'm the alpha? You gonna give up, surrender? Or are you just gonna keep struggling?" I smirked at the squirming figure before me, but a mischievous grin quickly melted to a dismayed frown; for suddenly, Leonardo was smiling.

"I'll call for Splinter." What a threat.

I quickly got off of Leonardo, but not without twisting his arm backwards first. The squeal of pain that escaped my brother was triumph enough, but still, I couldn't help but feel resentful. "Tattletale." I muttered as I began walking towards my room.

"Ninja dropout." Leonardo threw at me, with a challenging tone of voice.

"Splinta' junia'." I backfire.

"Screwup." Now, I will admit, that pierced my heart as much as his Katana would've. I stormed off after that, slamming my bedroom door.

And now, here I am, alone in the world, or so it seems. There's no one out there for me, no one who could love me. No one who will ever truly understand me and my anger.

Though, I will say, I gotta get outta here.

* * *

Thoughts swim through my head, ideas forming into plans, each and every approximation being held onto tightly, all piecing together to make the finished product. I lay in bed, my ceiling fan spinning in circles, the sound soothing my headache, caused from hours and hours spent awake. It's later, well, early, actually. I have to be up for breakfast in a half hour, and I have yet to sleep. I'll be fine, I'm sure of it. After training I'll just take a nap, and all will be well.

Grinning, I stare up at the ceiling, putting the final touch on my mastermind plan. Oh yes, it's going to be beautiful. What's my plan? To run away, away from this hell I've called home for the past 15 years. Away from these demons I've mistaken as family.

 **Chapter one everyone, I hope you liked it, and I hope you'll review. If you want me to update, I'd do that, because otherwise I might forget to (trust me, it's happened before). Anyway, enjoy the rest of your week.**

 **-RaphSai03**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the amazing reviews, follows, and favorites. I highly appreciate the support I'm receiving from you amazing viewers, stay awesome and enjoy and review this chapter! ;)**

Rain clouds surround me and my brothers as we run across the rooftops in full stealth mode. Lightening flashes in the distance, thunder rumbling only seconds later. A storm is approaching quickly, and I can tell that Michelangelo and Donatello are getting anxious, neither of them have ever liked being out during a storm. Both the Foot and Kraang have been awfully quiet, neither have been seen in over two weeks. My brothers are convinced that they're just too afraid of us to step out of their hide outs, but I'm absolutely positive that they're planning something big. There's no way that the Shredder would just back down in fear of defeat, when he wants something he won't rest until he gets it; that's what I've learned from previous encounters.

"Nothing's happening, let's go back before we get rained on." Leonardo stands on one of the corners of the roof, gazing out at the lively city of Manhattan.

Beside me, Donatello and Michelangelo each heave a sigh of relief, pleasure rippling into their eyes like a rock in a lake.

I glare at Leonardo in argument. We've only been out here for a half hour, and he's already wanting to head back? "We can't just give up. Storm or not, the Kraang and Foot are still out there. I'm not just gonna head home because of some rain." I fold my arms across my chest, my stubbornness setting in.

Leonardo glances at me over his shoulder, a look of annoyance sparkling in his sapphire eyes. "Why do you always have to make everything so much harder than it has to be?" My leader's voice is filled with vexation.

"I'm not making things hard, I'm just making a point. There's a clean line between the two, and I think we all know which side I'm on."

"Well actually..." Donatello's quiet mutter fades into the darkness surrounding us, and both him and Michelangelo exchange awkward looks before their eyes drift down to their feet.

My eyes widen, the feeling of betrayal suddenly consuming me. "Why do you guys always gang up on me? It's you three against me, always! It doesn't matter what we're doing, I'm always the one who's wrong. You know what, I'm done with this bullshit. Have fun without me!" I take off in a sprint, jumping onto the next roof, then the next, then the next. I know for a fact that I'm not being followed. I know for a fact that they're heading home, and Leonardo is rambling on and on about how dead to him I am. But guess what? I don't give a fuck.

* * *

It's been an hour since I left my brothers, an hour and I've seen nothin'. Maybe Leo was right, maybe tonight just isn't a good night to be out. Rain pours down onto me, thumping against my shell as I trudge across a highrise. At the edge of the building, I sit, my legs dangling in the air. My eyes wander down to the city below me. Angry words and honking cars pollute the air, flooding into my ears. I have no choice but to listen, nothing left to do but watch.

Was what I did wrong? Should I go home and apologize? No, I didn't do anything; surprisingly. It was them who were teaming up on me, filling my lungs with anger. I had no choice but to take off.

I sigh, and say to myself, "I just wish that they understood me, maybe then they would treat me equally." I pick up a piece of gravel, and throw it down onto the line of parked cars in the alley below me.

"What is it with you mutant turtles and talking to yourselves?" I stand up and whip around, coming face to face with Karai. Finally, some action.

I draw my Sai, holding each blade in my hands as I get into a defending position. "We don't talk to ourselves, if you wanna know." I say with a snarl.

Karai smirks at me with her head tilted slightly to the side, and places a hand on her curvy hips. "Well, you're the second I've seen doing it, so I'm gonna have to disagree with you." The second, what?

"Oh really, and what other mutant turtle have you seen talking to himself?"

"Leonardo was doing it just last week, he said that you took over his role as leader. So, where's your team, Leader-Boy?" Leo was taking to himself, well that sure is pathetic. Tch.

"I ain't the leader, it was just a one time thing. And the rest of the team is at home." Why am I telling her where my brothers are? She's the Shredder's daughter for fucks sake!

Karai's smirk drops into a frown, and she straightens her posture, he arms laying limp at her sides. "And you aren't with them why?"

I roll my eyes, a low growl forming in the bottom of my throat. "Why would you care? You're set out to kill us." I point a Sai at her accusingly.

"I'm curious." Karai draws her Tanto-it's about time.

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Ah, but satisfaction brought it back." Karai lunged forward, and her weapons cling against mine, making a sound that echoes into the brisk air.

My teeth clench and my eyes narrow at my opponent. Imagine what would happen if Leo were to show up right now. He'd be pissed, probably start yellin' at me. But, maybe not. He did say that he was over Karai. Perhaps he'd join the fight.

"You're almost as good at fighting as your brother." The comment flys at me like a kick in the gut. Anger courses through my veins, energizing me.

Many movements become faster, swifter, harder and with more force. I knock Karai to the ground, and drop down so our faces are only inches apart, "You take that back." I hiss threateningly.

"Or what?" Karai pushes me over, making me land on my shell. She takes my previous position, looming over me just a bit. Her hair tickles my cheeks and her eyes stare at my mischievously. "You're kinda hot, for a turtle." She murmurs softly to me. Is she, is she flirting with me?!

"I'm flattered." My voice is sarcastic as I shove Karai off of me. I push myself up off the ground, and stomp to the other end of roof.

Karai follows, flapping her mouth as she trails behind me. "Are you leaving?"

"Yes, and if you have a problem with that, then oh well, I don't give a fuck."

There's a moment of silence as I wait for her to respond. I glance at her over my shoulder, and my eyes land on hers. Karai stares at me, an uncomfortable feeling settling into the pit of my stomach. "Meet me here tomorrow at midnight." And suddenly, she's off.

* * *

"Raphael!" Splinter's voice booms, the sound of my name bouncing off the walls and flinging straight into my ears, waking me up completely.

"Y-yes, Sensei?" A long yawn follows, and my eyes flutter for a moment, but I force them open.

I was up all night again, coming up with different plans to run away, take off, live on my own. I haven't agreed with much of my ideas, and I'm getting rather impatient. But to make matters worse, Karai has been glued to my every thought, and she refuses to leave my mind.

No sleep last night, no sleep yesterday night. No rest, barely any nutrition to keep me energized. I'm bound to fade into a long lasting sleep at any moment now; staying awake feels like hell.

Master Splinter studies me carefully, his brown eyes seeping into mine, unburying my hidden soul and bringing it out into the open for him and him only to see. "Training is over for the day, you three are excused." The gaze he has fixated on me doesn't stagger as he addresses my brothers, who leave in a small pack, glancing at me over theirs shoulders and snickering to each other quietly.

I don't move, I don't acknowledge my brothers as they walk away. My eyes don't dare leave my Father's out of fear of what I may see.

"You seem awfully tired this morning, my son, is there something troubling you?" Something like my brothers crush flirting with me last night, or something like my brothers hating on me?

"No. I'm just- tired." Tired of being distracted by my every thought. Tired of having the weight of the world on my shoulders. Tired of watching my life pass me by. Tired of running in place while my brothers win the race. Tired of being just a student, just a teammate. Tired of being me.

Yes, tired.

"Hmm.. Perhaps you should take a nap before you and you brothers-" _brothers, tch"-_ go out for patrol tonight, something tells me you will need you energy tonight more than ever." Like for putting up with Karai flirting with me? Cause I agree completely, if so.

I nod in agreement. "Of course, Sensei." I bow quickly, but am I stopped as I turn to exit the dojo.

"One last thing, Raphael, why did you come home so late last night?" I freeze, stone cold as shivers run down my spine. He was awake? Well of course not, but do you know who was? Leonardo.

Of course he told Splinter, that little snitch, that little bastard.

"I- uh, ran into some foot soldiers." The lie rolls across my tongue, leaving me with a numb feeling in my head.

"And why did you not report this to your brothers or I?" Every time we go on patrol, if we run into any enemies, we report it to Sensei. If we go on solo missions, we report to the others. That's just how things work.

"Oh, ya, I was just tired and it was really late. I didn't wanna bother anyone." A fair fib, harmless, truly.

I can feel Splinters eyes stuck on the back of my head as I study the carpeting as if there's nothing else to do. Which, really, there isn't.

"Well, don't let it happen again."

"I won't."

A lie, the first of many. More will come, it's like a game of follow the leader. Every. Single. Time.

* * *

"So, what did you hear the foot say again?" Leonardo asks me as we walk through the sewer tunnels, our little brothers trailing behind us.

After my talk with Splinter, I took a nap and then came up with an excuse that would allow me to go see Karai.

"That they're planning an attack on one of three museums. I can't remember which one they said, though, so we're gonna have to split up. I'll take the one in the northeast section of the city, Leo, you take the south, and Mikey and Donnie can go to the west side museum." Leonardo sends a glare my way, annoyed with how I'm taking his job of giving orders. I look away, not wanting the burning pressure of my brother's glare on me.

"Okay, we'll split up. But, if anyone spots any disturbances, we call for backup." Leonardo's firm tone directs. "Is that clear, Raphael?" My eyes widen and my jaw drops. Did he seriously just say that? Shock, I am in shock.

You know what, I'm not dealing with this right now. All I want at the moment is to get to Karai to see whatever the hell she wants, then when it's something stupid and pointless, I'll beat her sorry ass.

"Crystal."

* * *

I look around at the rooftop I stand on, searching for Karai, though, she's nowhere to be found. My hand reaches into my belt pocket. Pulling out my phone, I read the time. 11:59.

Heaving a sigh, I sit down on the ledge, looking at the city I call home. My brothers are out there somewhere, thinking that they're on an actual mission. Little do they know that I just sent them on a wild goose chase.

"Well, look who's here early." I glance at Karai over my shoulder, who's standing with her seemingly signature smirk playing on her lips.

"Ya, well, I'm eager to know why you called me out here." I stand in front of Karai with folded arms, eyeing her suspiciously.

Karai smirks at me, but dodges the question like bullet. "How did you sneak past your brothers? I'm sure they were pretty skeptical about you going off on your own. Or, at least Leonardo." How the hell does she know so damn much about Leo? I know that he had a crush on her, and I found them holdin' hands last week, but what am I missing? Did they have an affair, maybe? Perhaps. But Leo said he was over her..so that wouldn't make sense. Unless he was interested in Karai and thought that whatever happened between them was out of love, but she only did it as a one time thing?

"It wasn't that hard. I told them that last night I overheard a group the foot planning an armed robbery on one of the three Museums in Manhattan and we all split up, me taking this direction. Why I said museum was because there's a museum right next to us; in case you were wondering."

"Ya, I sorta got that. So, your brothers don't know your here?"

In a fed up tone, I reply. "Isn't that what I just said?"

Karai rolls her eyes at me and it's then that I see just how beautiful they look in light of the moon. Precious, Amber orbs reflect the stars in the sky, melting my heart just a tad little bit.

 _What the hell am I thinking, she's the foot!_

Right, the foot.

"Why are we even out here, Karai? We're in rivaling clans, we should be fighting each other rather than slinking past our teammates just to see each other." My jade green eyes narrow at Karai, looking at her with a sense of hatred that burns atop the embers in my soul, scorching my mind and every thought.

"Well, I have proposition for you, and if you don't want to do it, then we'll go back to being enemies. But only, if you resist." Why is her voice so intimidating? Why does she make me wanna cower?

I heave a sigh. "Fine, what?"

Karai's small delicate hands reach to her belt as she pulls out a small handheld telescope, handing it to me, she points in the direction of the museum just one building away. "Third window, fourth floor, see the sword?" Following the directions given, I find the window and look in it.

It's the ancient Katana of Miyamoto Musashi, the sword Leonardo has always been obsessed with ever since we were small.

I bob my head up and down. "Ya, I see it."

"We're gonna steal it." Karai whisper is full of mischief and mystery, and it makes me think, makes me wonder, makes me question.

Steal? The sword? No. No, of course not. That belongs to the museum, it'd be illegal to steal what's rightfully theirs.

 _Oh, come on, take down your honorable mask and steal the damn sword! It'll be fun, the adrenaline as you sprint through the halls, avoiding the security guard. Besides, what've the humans ever done for you? Nothing, that's right, nothing. So why should you hold back, why shouldn't you steal the sword?_

I grin at Karai. "Yes, we are."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the reviews! I hope everyone is enjoying this story so far and will continue to review/fav/follow. So this is going to be different than the original but not completely I just have an amazing plan that I think everyone would like so ya enjoy and review!**

Karai picks the lock on the roof, opening a door that leads to a long staircase. "Ladies first." I say, ushering her forward. She smirks at me before walking down the stairs.

I follow her through the museum, amazed by all of the priceless artifacts. "Someone's coming." Karai whispers as she grabs my hand and sprint down a long hallway. She leads me to an enclosed room, a very small room, if I might say.

It must be a janitors closet, do to the size. My shell is pressed against the back wall, Karai leaning on me. Both of us place our hands on the knob at the same time, and the two of us pull our hands away lightening fast, flustered.

"Sorry." I mutter quietly.

"Nah, it's fine."

When the coast is clear, we sprint down the halls and another flight of stairs, then, we're in the room.

"They won't be able to track your finger prints, so would you mind lifting the glass?" I glance over at Karai, the girl I should be dueling rather than helping. I shouldn't be doing this, it's wrong.

But it's fun. And anyway, what's the point of leaving this sword here anyway? All it's gonna do is collect dust.

I nod my head.

Silently and swiftly, I reach my hands out and lift the glass. I hold onto the case as Karai swipes the sword off its platform. I place the glass back and Karai grabs my hand once more, whisking me away and out of the museum.

"You're brother was wrong about you; you are a ninja." Karai says to me when we're back on the high rise. She admires the Katana, holding it in her hands as she studies every inch, every detail.

"What exactly happened between you and Leo, why do you know so much about him?" She doesn't know a ton, just enough to deserve questioning.

"Not much. We've met up a few times, and he always complained about you. I figured I'd ask you to steal the sword with me just to see if Leonardo was correct." Karai meets my gaze over her shoulder.

I take a few steps towards her, my eyes not drifting away from hers for more than a millisecond. "Oh really? And what do you think?"

Karai turns so we're facing each other, not even two feet away from me. "I think that you could be someone amazing; if, your brothers weren't holding you back."

So I'm not the only one who thinks that. I'm not the only one who believes I'd be better off on my own. I'd be stronger, invincible, more focused.

But she's Karai, the Shredder's daughter. I wouldn't trust her if we were the last to people on earth. Therefore, I won't take what she has to say into consideration. I barely know her, she barely knows me, we're strangers, we're enemies.

"Ya? And where should I go?" Growing curiosity gets the best of me.

Karai takes another step closer. One more from either of us and the gap is closed, I have to be carefully. She venomous, I don't want to be poisoned. "I think you should join the foot."

There it is! The reasoning behind this bullshit. I shoulda known.

"Look, me and my brothers may not get along, but I still have loyalty to my clan, okay? You can't just prance on out here, show me a good time and then ask me to betray my family; bitch." I add the insult at the end for reaction. I'm an asshole who feeds off of the anger of others, what can I say?

"I'm the bitch? I was just suggesting it. The foot seems way more in your league. Motorcycles, optional meditating, several different training techniques, obstacles courses. Not to mention the ruthlessness. I've seen you and your brothers on patrol. Leonardo leading you, telling you when to hold back and when to move forward. In the foot, you'd be a leader, you'd lead your own pack of soldiers. But best of all, you'd get to fight your brothers. Not sparring, not yelling, full out battling them." I'd never realized how much I belonged there, on the enemies side. What Karai said, what she just told me, it's opening my eyes, making me see everything in a new way. The foot, it isn't bad. They aren't bad people. Shredder loved Shen, a lot, and Splinter got yer instead. He's just a sad, depressed man. He didn't mean to kill her, I'm sure of it. So, maybe the foot isn't bad..maybe.. "I can see the temptation in your eyes, Raphael." The way she's says my name melts me. Why?

"It's definitely an option, something worth thinking about. I guess." I'm so unsure what to think. Half of me sees this as an opportunity to run, far away from my family, where they won't dare to go find me. But my other half thinks this is a horrible, horrible idea. A trap.

Karai smiles at me. "The Shredder would like you, you're just like him." Should I take that as a compliment, or an insult. "I should get going now. Sayōnara, Raphael.

* * *

"None of you saw the foot?" We kneel before Master Splinter. Just arriving back from patrol, we all entered the Dojo together, where our father waited on our return.

Me and my brothers shake our heads, and Leonardo sends a glare in my direction. They're all mad, I sent them on a mission that was anything but successful.

"Raphael, you said that they were planning an attack, what happened?" Why the hell does he think this is my fault? What does he think, I just called the foot up and said, " _hey, sorry guys, change of plans, you can't go rob that museum tonight because I want to send my brothers on a wild goose chase. Sorry!"_

"I don't know, I told you, I was like a roof away. They could've robbed it earlier or later, but none of us saw them." I fold my arms as I kneel, looking up at my Sensei with a challenging expression on my face.

"I hope you are not lying to me."

My eyes widen in defense. Yeah, I'm lyin', but he has no way of knowing that, therefore, I'm pissed that he's making that accusation. "I'm not lying, why would I?" I demand harshly.

Splinter doesn't say anything as our eyes lock. "Go to sleep, all of you, you will need your energy for training tomorrow morning."

I follow my brothers out of the Dojo, my Father's eyes burning into the back of my head. My fists clench as I snarl, trying my hardest to hold back my anger long enough to get to my bedroom.

Of course, Leonardo stops me before I can open the door. "I know you saw the foot, don't lie."

That's it. I've had enough of this bullshit.

I swing my fist at Leonardo, hitting him in the plastron. Shoving him out of the way, I enter my room, slamming and locking the door behind me.

Tomorrow, I'm going to find Karai, and arrangements will be made.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again. Sorry for the long wait, I've had major writers block for this story. Thanks for the reviews last chapter, I'm glad everyone's enjoying this story so far. In case you haven't noticed, this story is making a major U turn away from the plot of the original version of this story. Though, I can promise you that a lot of the same details will be noted in this newer version. Sit tight everyone, cause this is going to be a long fic. Now Please, enjoy and review.**

I'm fuming, my blood pressure spiking as my anger rages like burning embers. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" I demand with hostility. "You're replacing me with Donatello?"

Leonardo frowns, clearly not a fan of my disgusted tone of voice. "Yes, Raphael, Donatello is my new second in command," he repeats with an exhausted sigh trailing behind his confirmation.

"But, why!?"

An impatient glare settles in my older brother's sharp sapphire eyes, piercing me like the Katana's he has gripped in his hands. His lips curl, revealing his clenched teeth as he hisses, "Because I just can't trust you!" I go silent. My heavy breathing stops, my scowl drops. My eyes widen, and my growl staggers until it's nothing but a memory.

"You . . .what?" I ask with eyes the size of saucers, and a jaw dropped down to the floor. A sense of betrayal comes seeping out of my mind, drowning me without a single drop of mercy.

Are my ears deceiving me? Or did I really just hear those words fly out of Leonardo's mouth?

"I can't trust you anymore, Raph. You've been slacking so much lately. You're never home, and when you are you're shut up in your room, ignoring us all." Leonardo throws his hands in the air, yelling this next part, "I'm just, I'm sick of it! You're constantly picking on Donnie and Mikey. You never follow my orderers. Shell, you question Master Splinter non stop! I can't trust a person who acts out against the rest of the clan, therefore, you've been downgraded. I hope you understand where I'm coming from." Hope I can understand why he replaced me with Donnie? What is he, stupid? Of course I'm not gonna understand this, this is pure reinstatement!

"You're a bitch, ya know that?" I don't wait for Leonardo's response, I don't have time for this bullshit. I stride past my fearless leader, the opportunity of a new leader swimming in my mind, making ripples in my anger.

Just wait, Leo, cause pretty soon, you'll be the one who's been downgraded.

...

"So, the foot clan?" Me and Karai sit beside each other on the edge of the Byerly building, looking out at the city we've both adopted as our home.

Karai glances at me out of the corner of her eyes, a mischievous grin paying on her Crimson red lips. "I knew you'd been considering my offer."

"Considering is one word; suspicion is another," although the thought of joining a clan where freedom was everything sounded ideal, I still have my loyalties, whether I like it or not.

"Well, and there's always room for more, just let me know when you've made up your mind, turtle-boy." I roll my eyes at the pet name, but really, I'm on the verge of blushing. For some reason, something about the armor cladded kunoichi sitting beside me catches my attention like a cry for help. I can't seem to let her go, she surrounds my every thought and won't exit my mind.

I stare straight ahead, focusing my attention on anything other than Karai. But, the harder I try the more I fail, and I realize that the only way to push these thoughts away is by conversation.

"Why do you want me to join the foot, anyway?"

Karai heaves a halfhearted sigh and says, "I don't know. You just seem like a promising teammate. I mean, your brothers win every fight because of you. My footbots don't stand a chance against you. And your brothers aren't fit to fight on your side of the line. You're so much better than them; you deserve better. And I am better." Karai stands up and turns around, walking to the center of the roof.

I cannot resist the growing urge to follow after her, so I do.

Once again, we're next to each other, gazing out at Manhattan. We're closer, now. Our shoulders brush each other softly like whispers in a heap of silence.

My eyes shift away from the looming skyscrapers and over to Karai. I can tell by the way her lips hold a gap between them that she's not done talking, so I wait on her words.

"Like I've said previously, I sense greatness in you, but your brothers are holding you back." Karai looks at me, our eyes locking with a furious passion that's more foreign than anything I've ever felt before. "Leave them, Raphael. They are nothing to you, you don't need them."

"But they're my brothers," I state firmly.

"But they're holding you back," Karai hisses fiercely.

I look away from the kunoichi, and fixate my gaze on the gravel beneath my large feet. What should I do? Should I trust her? If I do, that means leaving my brothers behind, forgetting my father. I'll be abandoning not only my post, but all I've lived for for the past 17 years. I'll never again see Casey, nor April. My friends will be gone from my life, left behind without a single trace. Is that a risk I'm willing to take?

But if I don't, if I go back home and ignore this offer I've so kindly been given, then I'll have to live with the burden of the ignorance my brothers strain on my shoulders as heavily as a boulder. I can't go back to the suffering, I need salvation.

I look back up at Karai, and find that her eyes never left me. Her soft Amber eyes stare at me with confidence sparkling them like a diamonds in the night. "Fine, I'll go. But, not just yet. I still need a little while, just in case I change my mind. Until then, we'll meet back here every night at midnight."

Karai smirks at me, clearly satisfied with my decision. "I knew you'd make the right choice, Raphael." I give her a half smile, and put my hand out. She clasps it greatly, and we both grip each other's fingers tightly.

"So did I."

This seems so right, joining the foot. Right now it does, at least. I keep telling myself that this is the right choice, but deep down, I think both me and Karai know how this'll end.

With a war blazing with violence. A war where everyone loses in the end.


End file.
